I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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