it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
