im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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