so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
