I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
