It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
