i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
People in love make me want to vomit
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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