I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.