I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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