I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.