my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"