i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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