I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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