i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
