So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
dude. I can hear the air.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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