I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
