So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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