for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
