Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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