Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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