I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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