we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
