We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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