Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
