I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
