you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
