so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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