I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
