Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Quick, to the slutcave!
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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