you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize
