I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
