So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
