she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
