Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
