i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
COCAINE IS GR8
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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