So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
