oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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