five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
