Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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