Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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