I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
