oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
