I wanna passion pit in your ass
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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