what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i think im in europe. pls send help
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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