I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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