my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
