Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
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