I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
