i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
