And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
