3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
