the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Randomize
