bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
