I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
