i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
