You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
