That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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