I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
