I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
