I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
