My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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