So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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