Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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