): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
