i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
