Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
