While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
