is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
