The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
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