someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
