Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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