I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
