Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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