once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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