i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am one with the molecules
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
