The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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