I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
