They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
