i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
